October 2011
4 posts
13 tags
If I could do one thing differently...
When the first bus pulled away from the stop without me on it, I knew at once that this was about to be one of those days people always say their mothers warned them about, which just goes to show you how many people actually listen to their mothers.
I knew it was hopeless. If, on the off chance that one of the buses dispatched from the station ever returned to take me to my destination (which...
Complete Compendium of Child-Rearing
I have long since observed that the people least qualified to give you advice on different matters are, in fact, the most likely to give you advice on the very matters which they are least capable of advising you.
That said, I am a self-proclaimed expert on child-rearing. My meta-analyses are so painstaking that I feel a small existential tingle-and-release sensation every time I carry one out...
September 2011
15 posts
2 tags
Racking up some insane health karma.
There’s something truly heartbreaking about waking up with your skin on fire due to some first-world wasting illness (or maybe it’s just a cold, but telling someone who’s sick that someone is sicker than them is akin to taking any empathy they have for the world straight out of them and pissing pure sulfuric acid on it), being greeted by one’s cat, and having to say...
I would much rather be eating preservatives and...
Check out this latest ego-masturbatory dust storm centered around how people spend what the government has made available of its own volition:
Hipsters on Food Stamps (image source KOMO News):
http://www.salon.com/life/pinched/2010/03/15/hipsters_food_stamps_pinched
A quick breakdown, if we may:
It is (almost - gotta include the crazies) universally accepted that getting fresh, local food...
Patriotism =/= total lack of sanity. I think.
Tomorrow is the ten-year anniversary of al Qaeda’s attacks on the US, and we Americans are approaching this fact about as can be expected: by going totally and completely batshit insane for about a week, drinking heavily, and shouting “GO ‘MURKA!”
I can understand being raucous on Independence Day, because it’s supposed to be like a big birthday party. But...
2 tags
“JFK was so badass, ‘cause he DIED.”
– RJ
I also kick puppies and drink diet shakes in third...
Dear Santa,
I’m going to Hell. Do you want a macchiato while I’m there?
Sincerely,
LJT
—
As it turns out, when there are simpering, passive-aggressive cherubs of chav about, it’s really difficult to be the better person and avoid confrontation when you have a migraine in blistering heat and you’ve just set up a birthday party at Mach 6. (By the way, which is...
“People look at me and go, wow, you look normal. I tell them I am normal. Just...”
– Jen, Seattle
no one listens to radio 3 in the nude.
It’s one of those generalisations which allow one’s mind to dig itself a hole and bury itself in it. The wonderful thing lies in this generalisation’s challenging feature: photo reply has been left enabled, so feel free to prove me wrong in my assumptions. I won’t actually look at your nudies, but I’ll know they’re there, and that will be enough to completely...